Favorite Quote from Asterios Polyp

"To live (as I understand it) is to exist within a conception of time. 
But to remember is to vacate the very notion of time. 
Every memory, no matter how remote its subject, takes place 'Now,' at the moment it's called to the mind. 
The more something is recalled, the more the brain has a chance to refine the original experience. 
Because every memory is a re-creation, not a playback." 

Favorite Scene from "Cheers"

Lisa: Look at me, Dad, I'm not--beautiful.

Coach: You look just like your mother.

Lisa: And Mom was not-- [Pause] comfortable with her beauty.

Coach: But that's what made her more beautiful. Your mother grew more beautiful every day of her life.

I'm pretty beat right now. I just returned home from Toronto. Canada is gorgeous, and I love my mother's family, everyone having such colorful personalities. My grandmother literally cried when we left, whereas my grandmother here is cool and distant.

It's time for me to do hard work now, I guess. I'll blog more about my experience later, and I'll be sure to upload pictures. For now? Buffy.

So tired. Have to write. Haven't started yet though. Ideas are jotted down. Just want to sleep. And relax. Forever.

I know that most people speculate me and my friend as a couple mainly because we always hang out together and because we're both not too socially savvy. And because we're "smart."

But in a lot of ways, Andy is right. In some parallel universe not so different from this one, I think we could be a couple if we weren't both so overwhelmed with life. We're not compatible because we're both smart or awkward or anything. We have an honest relationship. I want to keep it this way. It could only work as a deeply honest, albeit platonic relationship. 

I'm not ready for love. I'm still incapable of loving myself, and it's difficult to receive love if you can't love yourself first. 

Okay, I love Canada. I love the relatives on my mother's side. They're so honest to the point of being as blunt as my friend Kevin, but I love their sincerity. They say what's on their mind. Rough edges are there, but the crassness eases me. I befriended my cousin (who's so freaking sweet and badass by the way) in the matter of minutes. Am I still awkward? Yeah....I've been cranking up the Vietnamese more (although it's the language I primarily speak at home). I'm living in my wheelchaired aunt and grandma's apartment, and they're such cordial hostesses! 

Yesterday, I went to Casa Loma, a castle founded in 1912 by a Kiwanis. It's absolutely gorgeous and so rustic! My brother and I walked up the spiral staircases to the highest part of the tower. It's amazing to look from so high up and catch a view of the city from very high. Later, my aunts, mom, grandma, cousin, and dad went down to Chinatown! The walk was pretty tiring, but it's so alive there. People are scattered about, the prices are cheap, and the city is so cultured. I heard jazz and saw a drunk hobo there, har har har.

We went to my other aunt's house later. It scares me how much she and I think alike, except she has a pretty dark history. My mother and I couldn't be more of opposites, even though she's basically a prettier version of me. My mother reminds me of Laura Brown and Mildred Montag, layering herself with materialism and beauty to reel over the listlessness in her life. It saddens me sometimes.

I don't think my uncle Minh really approves of me though, even though I respect him the most. He seems to coldly rebuff me. His voice sort of reminds me of this boy who went to my school named Wen Soon, although his personality is a lot more like my friend Kevin's. He's extremely smart, computer-affiliated and most of all, blunt. Kevin's a load more considerate though. I don't know. He seems to look at me like how every other teenage boy does at first. Not pretty enough, not smart enough, not talented enough. He did try to joke with me a little, but it felt forced. 

He asked me if I had a boyfriend. Sigh. 

SO ESSITED.

So like, I should sleep right now because it's 4AM in the morning and I'm pretty sure my lack of sleep is contributing to my bipolar, borderline suicidal, melodramatic personality, but I'm so excited for Canada! I'm leaving for Canada TOMORROW night. There's no Wi-Fi, but I'm secretly excited to buy souvenirs for all my friends and visit all these museums and castles and places! (Can't even articulate myself).

I'm also excited to see Sylvia again for the Chinese Moon Festival. I don't think she remembers me, but I just frickalickin' love her! She's the sweetest, most CORDIAL lady ever!

It kind of takes off the edge of my stress.

Lamest dream ever last night though. I was probably channeling APUSH, but I dreamed that I was bundling with a cute white boy at NYU, which is currently my dream school. (Although I'm sure I can't afford it.) Bundling's kind of like spooning. In the 17th century, engaged couples would just sleep together with no sex. 

Sad fact: Tomorrow is the first day I will be going outside for two weeks. And where am I going? To the library and Target.