A Romantic Compendium?

Oh you.


Why we could never be in a relationship? If I were to like you, I'd be just as foolish as Isabella was to romanticize Heathcliff. You are fickle and don't even appreciate my friendship, ever. You treat me nothing more than a cesspool for you to vent your emotions and ideas upon. I'm not your muse; I am your harlot.

He may be a gangly Linton, but he's someone who has the capacity to cherish.

After spending a few days to myself, I feel like all my residual angst is, in fact, gone. The future is nothing more than a big blank to me, and part of me is nervous, most of me optimistic. I'm scared as hell, but I'm lucid and patient now.

LIES :'(

(10:29:26 PM) Kevin Belleville: you are hipster
(10:29:29 PM) Kevin Belleville: i no longer know you

I did feel residual angsty today, but here I am. Sane. Alive. YAY.

The slim prospect of seeing you tomorrow just makes me feel confused and CATATONIC. You leave me a wreck because you remind me of the residual angst that I left behind along with the neurotic, depressing ending of my junior year. You are a reminder of how dependent I was after my period of meaningless cutting and crying. She's going to be there too. Part of me doesn't want to go anywhere tomorrow anymore. Can you just stay an illusion? God fucking dammit.

Pictures of Canada/NY. Taken with my dad's awesomepossum Nikon.

This is a pro-shot of my brother, Topher, at the San Francisco Airport. He has hilarious facial expressions. 

A view from my uncle's computer repair shop. Toronto is such an urban place to live!

 I don't know why, but this picture suddenly makes me extremely happy. The colors of the flowers are so vivid and bright, and the lighting is perfect! I don't like doctoring my photos very much because 1) I am lazy 2) photoshopping a picture takes away the natural gorgeous colors of a setting like this.

 Casa Loma Castle, run by the Kiwanis Club. Don't you just love how rustic the edifice is and how AZURE the sky is??

Chinatown!

Toronto boat tour. I love the lighting!

A picture of two strangers (though not to each other!) CAN'T YOU JUST FEEL THE SEXUAL TENSION?

Royal Ontario Museum. History geek's. Dream. Come. TRUE. (Although I'm not really a history geek. I'm just naturally good with the humanities.)

A view of Toronto from the top of the CN Tower (which has a top that is 530 metres above the ground).

Two giraffes at the Toronto Zoo whom I have named Daisy and Gatsby.

A view of Niagara Falls at night. This shot was so difficult to take, especially with a zoom lens. 4/5 of my pictures turned out blurry.

So yep, for more photos, go look at my Facebook, which I'm starting to irrationally hate. I bet that's how you got here. Through my Good Reads profile, through my Twitter page. Yep. I should like, make a Flickr account.

Life's Too Short to Even Care At All (Young The Giant, Cough Syrup)

I have not posted anything in nearly a week now. I've been busy, but not really busy. I enjoy this state of laziness where I can alternate between my avocations (reading and watching Buffy) and my obligations (college apps preparation and AP homework). This past week, I've finished: half of government homework, one fourth of chemistry homework, my novel (adeptly named And the World Drops Dead), and a few books (for reading).

As my friends fret over homework and SATs, I've just been chilling. I should be panicking because the load I've prepared to take on surpasses that of most people I know. I enjoy being happily and gradually productive. That way, I can actually learn without over-stressing. I've had bad experiences with cramming where I've really started to harm myself mentally and physically. I've come to the realization that most of my stress is self-inflicted. Like the Young the Giant lyrics, life IS too short to even care at all.  Does that mean that I'm not worried about my incoming AP scores or other crap? No. But I would always like to keep in mind that what I have right now is miraculous. A healthy body, a loving (most of the time) family, and a handful of good friends.

Here's what I did all week: Monday and Tuesday were pretty much a blur. On Wednesday, I received news that my novel was good for publication, so I should be getting my proof copy in the mail in no time at all. I also finished half of my AP government homework on Wednesday at the library, despite only being able to use the computer for two hours. Again, I went to the library on Thursday to meet up with Debbie, who is one of my nearest and dearest friends. We goofed off some and finished up some homework and studying. I really hope she isn't killing herself with all that stress. I don't lack faith in her though, because she was one of the few people who pulled me out of my dark abyss at the end of junior year. She's inherently positive, so I hope we pull through this by January! On Friday, instead of attending CMF, I stayed at home and watched Buffy and read Calvin and Hobbes. I felt pretty sick, complete with a throbbing headache. (Debbie blames it on the high fructose corn syrup in the Ritz she bought me.) Todaaaaay, I woke up at 12 PM and went to the Martin Luther King Library, where I stayed for 6 hours reading Lemony Snicket picture books, Persepolis, and Maus II. That place is pretty much more comfortable than home for me.

Well yes, nothing too eventful has happened since I returned from Canada, where I had such a blast with my colorful relatives and amazing sight-seeing. Tomorrow, I'm going to the beach!