To err is human, to forgive is divine--Alexander Pope

Today was so incredibly lousy. I don't have the ability to craft my words today, but I feel like my thoughts are powerful enough to be conveyed with colloquial diction.

I'm  human. I have feelings, too. Just because I'm quiet or placid most of the time, it does not mean that I am a doormat for people to abusively step on. I am so tired of being the person to trust and the person to make everyone feel better when in return, no one even tries to comfort me when I am evidently upset. People can be so incredibly inconsiderate and selfish. My rapports with people feel like obligations rather than real friendships. I throw myself all in, get nothing in return. My expectations of people have gone up. I have been tamed by human tenderness, and I'm not sure if I like it. I feel like the rose from The Little Prince. I'm just a silly little thing who's going to die because of neglect.

Crap just accumulated today. I woke up in tears, literally, after realizing that I woke up at 7:15 and had class in 5 minutes. Mrs. Saraswathy just smiled when I arrived 10 minutes late, but I still felt ashamed. People sitting (certain people in particular) around me in English were terribly inconsiderate and rude today, and I won't say why. Seriously, I used to respect and even admire them. Now, I just feel so fucking disillusioned. I am always nervous to voice out my ideas in that class because everyone makes me feel like a little unimportant dot. I have been bullied too many times by people in that class. I sound monstrously stupid, but I'm shy, that's all. I'm so glad that most classes are based on the criteria of hard work rather than intelligence because if classes were based on ingeniousness and verbal articulateness, then I would be seriously fucked.

So because of my fantastic day, I just cried at break. I am so tired of crying at school. I cry because I am no longer naive to the inconsiderateness and obliviousness of people. I was so naive, truly holding faith in someone who turned out to be just as incredibly insensitive as the rest of them are. Shit happens, oh well.

Still, I do have maybe one or two good friends left. Julie's single-line message really helped me feel more at ease with all the crap that's been happening lately. Thienson also sat with me and tried to make me laugh when I was crying at break. There's a voice in my head that's going, "Good people exist!"

I inherently believe that people are good, which is why I feel forgiving to the all the jerks of today.I try to look beyond their rough exteriors and deep inside their minds and hearts. But sometimes, I can't help but feel if I am just trying to make people better than they seem.