I think my worse fear ever is to live a life where everything is set up for me, to live a life with no problems, to live in complacency. You know, to live like a Stepford wife and just smile to fight the fear of diminishing and the burning loneliness. That would scare me a lot.
I really want a major change to occur this summer. To change from awkward Stacey to cultured and sophisticated Stacey, confident Stacey. For the past two to three years of my life, I've tried to emulate hardass feminists, but the thing is, they don't need to be spoonfed confidence.
I've changed so much this past year. I've gained a lot more wit, but I've also become pretty reserved and standoffish. Comparing myself from last year, I am pretty much a fucking hipster right now. Minus the ridiculously expensive indie clothes, I am somewhat of a charlatan and pseudointellectual who listens to ah, indie music and watches movies like Little Miss Sunshine and Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind and Juno. My hobbies are writing and reading. I suck.
Still, a part of me deep down inside knows that I'm this independent-minded, intelligent young woman who's suffocating in an ordinary world. Got to put myself out there. Change this summer!
Anyway, here's sort of a bucket list of what I want to (or am obliged to) do this summer:
1) College crap
2) Go to Canada with the family
3) Learn fauxtography
4) Read those comics Jenny recommended to me
5) Read a lot. I have to compile a list.
6) Volunteer at the library! :D
7) Interact events
8) AP homework (oh the joys of taking four AP classes)
MORE2COME.
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