stand in the rain

I think my mom may be going through menopause or something. She's been so irritable at everything lately, and it's really annoying me. Need an example? My eyebrows aren't perfect because I don't have eyebrow plucking skills. And now, every five minutes, she brings up the fact that I look like a 'tute and how my reputation is absolutely demolished now. Thanks for the self-esteem boost, Mom. I shouldn't really care, but it's getting on my nerves. I mean, God, in the society we live in, personality IS pretty important compared to looks. I mean, fuck, a boy looks at some girl and thinks that she's pretty. She'll just be the hot chick to him and nothing more if she can't talk to him. I digress. But I'm so irritated by her irritability because I really need to study for the SAT and she's going all Amazon Rage on me now.

"You failed last time. You'll just fail again. So what?" A 1930 may not be satisfactory for me, but it's NOT failure.

For the past few years, I've just pretty much rolled everything my mother said off my chest. "You're too fat. Your face is too big. You're dumb. You're not pretty enough. You're irrational. " I am not YOUR expectations, mother. I am my OWN expectations. I am a young, intelligent, independent-minded woman trying to make something of herself in the world, so back off!

I'm going to stay in the library until 8 in order to study for the SAT. Same schedule for tomorrow. Same for Thursday. Whoop-de-freaking doo.