"A person who has good thoughts cannot ever be ugly. You can have a wonky nose and a crooked mouth and a double chin and stick-out teeth, but if you have good thoughts they will shine out of your face like sunbeams and you will always look lovely." 

i love my mommy

i like the rain very much, especially when it pours down very hard. i like walking around in rainy weather a lot!

now my hands are frozen and my feet are wrinkly from too much water soaking in my converse;

darling, you are the only exception

Well, Kevin was right. Today wasn't a bad day. I just felt absolutely nothing. No-thing. No a single emotion passed through me. Well, maybe I'm content with loneliness and underachievement.

When we did a draft in English, I just stared at Mr. Brandt's work space the entire time. I tried not to speak in most of my classes, out of sheer apathy. Listlessness at the sheer stupidity, ignorance, and self-centeredness of people just prevented me from doing anything productive today.

At lunch I went to the library, but I didn't have my card with me, so I sat by my bench in C-villa. If you spread your stuff around, people won't try to sit with you. Sonny, one of my freshmen friends, was nice enough to talk to me the last five minutes of lunch. I appreciated it.

It started raining, and now it's sunny. I don't even know. I started writing a story about Aquarius. She dies at the end even if she's nice. FUCK EXPECTATIONS.

I read the Little Mermaid last night (the non-Disney version). It's brutally sad.

Today was pretty terrible. I looked like a moron in calculus and chemistry, we read a gruesome paper in English, and I ran the mile in PE. I just wanted to die by lunchtime. Oh yeah, I cussed someone out and flipped the intercom off. Ha.

During third period, invisible children sent me the pity gram my friend filled out for me. It had a message that sort of made me internally explode. In a bad way. Chemistry was pretty ironic, because my premonition was right--except it wasn't exactly the way I thought it would  be. Serendipity, huh? It just made me feel worse.

I didn't go to tutoring today or calculus, and I was walking around and saw Brian standing by the chemistry classrooms. I walked with him to the tennis courts, bitchiness ensued! In a way, it felt comfortable bitching to him,  I waited for Ayana and David to go to the board meeting.

I'm so tired.

Also, I wish I was more confident. I act like a fucking moron sometimes, even when it's so much clearer in my head. I am capable of an intellectual conversation, but sometimes I feel people are too obdurate in their opinion to lean my way and it seems futile to make my point anymore.

and the winner is...

I feel so much better this week, and I accredit this newfound happiness to my improved diet, which consists of peanuts, cheerios, different fruits, healthy tacos, and 85% cocoa chocolate. My running speed and endurance are better, and my grades are definitely improving--0.1% from an A- in APUSH and a more lucid understanding of calculus (which doesn't really say anything because conceptually, I'm still confused as hell).

Today, I went to Dollar Tree and saw a boy with cri-du-chat, and wow, it just made me think. I really love science, especially biology, and I'm determined to spend my life helping people like that boy. Maybe it's self-righteous on my part, but wow, it just struck me, right then, right there. My interests aren't really in genetics, but maybe one day, right? Microbiology and exobiology interest me the most right now. I don't know. Angela says I'm peculiar because my interests lean towards science and English, rather than the English/history or science/math combination. 

Anyway, I spent the entire day getting work done, and my hard work allowed me to finish half of my goals, gg. 

Nothing much going on with life right now. I took a long nap from 7PM to 2AM last night and went back to sleep at 4, after creating a new Playlist account. 

I guess for now, I really want to write. I promised Kevyn I would write about him and his hobbit girlfriend, so here goes!

Feeling a little sleepy right now. 

who says, i can't wear my converse with my dress

Best day ever, I swear. My dad bought these for me without my knowledge, so now I'm going to wear them everyday with my ugly, bright-coloured tights. I have grossly tacky aesthetic values, thanks to fashion influence from Disney television and those quirky indie single artists. I can literally walk on sunshine now, Katrina and the Waves! Speaking of quirky artists, I'm listening to Weezer right now. Their upbeat songs make me forget about the tragedy which is my lovelorn life.

Tackling the Progressive era, I find myself highly amused by the usage of bright index cards.

2.10.2011

TODAY IS GREAT, POSSIBLY THE GREATEST DAY OF 2011. 

720! Now I just have to own history because the sub totally pwned me, DAMN THAT HISTORY MAJOR!

If I finish studying for APUSH early enough, I can begin to write my short stories for my book, which has yet to be named. 

Please Be Gentle, Be Gentle With Me

Well, this is probably my seventh blog, and I plan on keeping it for a while. I have a personal livejournal, but it's for um, sublimating my neuroticism and indignation. I am pretty screwed up.

There's not much to say. I am a writer who has written 2 novels and a bunch of terrible fanfictions, winning awards here and there in contests. Strangely, my future career plans are primarily in the biological fields; my interests lean towards bacteriology especially, and I'd like to pursue a career as an immunologist. I'm cool. Some other nouns? Ex-riot grrrl. Student. Loner. Pseudointellectual. Hipster--without the partying out with the other cool hipsters. Interactor. 

One thing, I really hate pedantics. Go shove your didactic lessons somewhere else. I guess this isn't true. I think science pedantics are pretty hot, but grammar pedantics bore me to death with their lecturing attitude over stupid things, like spelling. 

It would be appropriate to write about my day right here, except nothing happened today. Except calculus miracles, two in particular. I live a great life. 

xoxo

S--I'm cool.